Today’s Sweat & Glitter Golden Treaddie award for “Most Decadent Use of Jazz Fingers in a Music Video” goes to Dead or Alive “You Spin me Round (Like a Record)”.
This beloved 80’s video also captured the S&G GTA for “Hottest Gender-Blurred Pirate to Ever Rock a Purple Velour Caftan Really Hard”. Extra style points were added for the swirling maxi-skirt and apparent white tube socks.
Who looks back on their artistic accomplishments and feels that crazy flush of pride after having written such deep lyrics as “Noddin’ my head like yeah
Moving my hips like yeah”? Well that could possibly be the writer/producer/zombie responsible for possibly the worst song of all time “Party in the USA”. They might have been thinking hey lets take some poetic lyrics, combine it with a sixteen year old girl cage dancing, and with synthesized vocal effects that sound like burning cats scratching furiously on a blackboard larnyx. Why that’s got hit written ALLLLLL over it! And well, hey, sadly I think it was.
So changin’ the channel like yeah, I encountered Counting Crows “Round Here” with thoughtful lyrical content that provided an antidote to Miley Cyrus. Normally would not be a song that makes a typical runner’s playlist. However, today it was a real neuron saver and a pleasure at the start of my long treadmill run.
My daughter and I are watching DeGrassi, the most dramatic high school on earth. The commercials for TeenNick are pushing some series called “Gigantic”. Every time I hear “Gigantic” I respond a Big, Big Love; a Big, Big Love in my shrill voice. It’s a wacky call/repsonse that my daughter does not understand but this does not matter because her skill at ignoring me is unparalled. The reason for the shrill, undecipherable call? The Pixies of course!
This is a great video of the Pixies performing Gigantic because you can learn Spanish from it. That’s right Pixies en Espanol!
I strained a “creamy hamstring” so very thoroughly that I took a week off from everything: distance running, dog walking, frankenstein-grade awkward karate, and my unique mega-tense yoga practice. I thought that treadmill running might be a good way to get back into action.
The hour got off to a rough start with unwatchable music videos on every channel. Luka, Modern Love, Renegade by Styx, and Weird Science of all things. My sanity is precious to me so I had no choice but to turn to my good friend Dr. G. Medical Examiner. But go figure Dr. G was a rerun, yeah I knew the guy died of heatstroke so there was no point in going any further. I turned back to the Old Timey channel which I now know is really called “Rock of Ages” and found YES, Led Zeppelin.
In “What is and What Should Never Be” LZ is an unlikely voice of reason and offers good advice for lovers of any age “you will be mine by us taking our time”. I thought of my beautiful daughter, nearly 15 who recently admitted for the first time that she is interested in a young man. He’s a fine person, but a real person and did I mention a boy? With the crushing fun comes the potential of heartbreak and loss and as her mother I wish for her to have only the love and the joy but never the sorrow. That’s about as realistic and desirable as a pink pony with a long flowing mane of rainbow colored hair. Sure it’s beautiful but let’s face it, the thing still has the potential to poop in the pasture.
All of this precious life is temporary and precious. Enjoy it to the maximum. Thank you Led Zeppelin
Sometimes during the long run you may find yourself face-to-face with Robert Plant. Well, not quite face-to-face because he’s on horseback, which is weird, but comforting because he is wearing his expected ensemble of rodeo-grade tight jeans and a kind of bolero sweater thingy. If you are running down the sidewalk during mid-day then you are experiencing a well-known symptom of impending heat-induced doom. Let Robert and his mount lead you to a shady pasture; you must stop running and start “cooling baby” immediately.
Robert may start inexplicably wailing appealing about his lemons. Don’t think lemonade stand; this isn’t what he’s talking about. This symptom probably means that you are running on the Lifestyles dreadmill around 1:30 on a Sunday and tuned into the Hits from Various Olden Tymes music video channel. He’s riding his horse through a swamp and he looks mighty fine doing so. Your timing was impeccable and you found the Lemon Song to inspire and delight you. You earned it after that gasp-worth Ally & AJ “song”, enjoy every moment.
Health tip to remember: Robert Plant horseman apparition outside = DANGER. Robert Plant horseman apparition inside = DELIGHT. Although we have not covered this in any detail, a headless Robert Plant horseman should probably be considered a bad sign under any circumstances.
It may seem like we are having a communication breakdown because this video is NOT of the Lemon Song. However, I could not find an acceptable video of the Lemon Song in a reasonable time frame and substituted this one instead. Enjoy!