JT! Flaming Car! Sexy Psycho! That’s one perfect music video!

How to make the perfect music video:

Start with a base of Justin Timberlake. Add Scarlett Johansson as JT’s sexy psycho lover.  Then top that off with flaming things like hula hoops and exploding cars. As as added bonus, make sure that the corpse of Scarlett remains conveniently unbruised and unblemished after most likely being thrown threw the windshield of the before mentioned flaming car. Hey, does life get any better than this? And from a running perspective, it’s a nice long song to accompany a cool down.

This, however, can  not be considered an acceptable substitute. 

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By the way if the revolution comes…please take my rifles and take my guns

Honestly, I think that the odds of the earth reversing polarity during my treadmill time is much greater than the odds of getting served the video for my new favorite Frank Black song Bullet. But I feel like pretending that glistening, glittering good music goddesses made my treadmill video dreams come true.

Actually, I feel like pretending a few other things, one of them being that I actually ran. I severely strained my inner thighs attempting BodyPump with my daughter on Tuesday.  Let me tell you that going from standing to squatting without warming up is NOT advisable. My traumatized thighs contracted unequally so that my walk became a side-to-side shuffle shockingly similar to the gait of  Cotton Hill, who as we all know, got his shins shot off in WWII. So not only will I pretend that I ran to this amazing song but I will also pretend that I was able to run at all.

I have an interesting synchronistic connection with Frank Black songs. On occasion I’ll think something and then I’ll hear a Frank Black or Pixies song that is an answer to that thought. Like being in a conversation with the Universe and something out there is saying “I’m here and I’m listening to you”. And oh, yeah, I created Frank Black as a sign that I love you and want you to be happy, kind of how I created beer for Ben Franklin.

I got the Frank Black “Christmass” CD for, ironically, Christmas (and yeah I know it’s from 2006). Anyway, I fired it up while I was driving home from work. My mind did a little time traveling and went back to the summer when I was in the Tampa library dodging a courtly homeless man who kept asking me out. I lost him in the maze of magazine towers and promptly lost myself in a music magazine that featured interviews with two of my favorites, Frank Black and Nick Cave.

As I was driving, I thought about the Frank Black interview. He told a story that happened after his father died. Frank’s brother was clearing out their father’s attic and called Frank to report that he found a stash of guns and a single bullet was loaded in each gun. And a few moments, I heard FB sing these words “And by the way if the revolution comes
Please take my rifles and take my guns
A single bullet loaded in each one”
Wow, yeah, that had to be about his father and I had never heard this song before and had no idea that it existed. Very nice, almost as nice as the song itself.

Enjoy!

 

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Without that sultry voice it would be another sad case…

…of Axl Rose impersonating a moderately overweight pirate in sweatpants.

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Would I like this Maroon 5 video half as much…

…..if the sweaty harmonica guy from Blues Traveler was the frontman instead of that handsome Adam Levin?

I DON’T THINK SO

P.S.  So he came without warning. Yeah, that’s damned inconvenient but is it worth killing a guy? I DON’T THINK SO.

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Undulating hipster breaks into digital action figure porn

AND it has Slash!

 

 

 

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Speedos, raincoats, and tube socks, oh my

There’s nothing on her tongue but Hallelujah. Sorry Leonard Cohen, but the glory is not for you this time because It’s Raining Men, Hallelujah. Ditch the King David for the speedos, raincoats, tube socks, and dress shows. Amen.

Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah is probably one of my favorite songs of all time; the way he effortlessly weaves the sacred and the profane is just brilliant. But let’s face it, the way the song makes me think about my own life can be kind of inconvenient at times. However, the sheer frivolity of this hallelujah-centric song only brings back happy memories of all the night I spent in gay clubs with my still-closeted waiter friends from Denny’s.

The Sweat & Glitter Golder Treaddie for “Most FESTIVE Use of Hallelujah in a FESTIVE Song” goes to of course, the Weather Girls “It’s Raining Men”.

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When men dream about spinning class…

the dream probably looks something like a scene from this classy classic, “You Shook Me All Night Long”. Imagine the concept, say instead of sexy background singers, let’s have barely dressed women in spike heels pedaling road bikes, and hey why not throw in some bull riding too, just in case some poor fool actually misses the other sexual metaphors? The more metaphors the merrier.

Today’s Sweat & Glitter Golden Treaddie for “Most Effective Use of Exercise Equipment in a Musis Video” goes to AC/DC.

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